What’s with Tinder bios?

Tinder has taken the dating world by storm.

For some men, it’s an app to essentially order sex on demand.

For most men, it can cause further confusion on how to navigate the already nebulous online sexual marketplace.

Studies have shown that 80% of women on Tinder only date the top 20% of men.

Unless you are in that top percentage of men on Tinder, you have your work cut out for you.

Luckily, I’m here to help.

Here, we will explore 25 common things a girl says on her Tinder bio, translate what she’s trying to say and reveal what she’s actually saying.

1. When a girl says “she smokes”

She's trying to say: "I like to smoke"
She's actually saying: "I like to poke"

Stereotypes exist for a reason. The old adage “if she smokes, she pokes” definitely plays true here. Everyone knows that smoking is dangerous and disgusting. Girls that do so obviously have low regard for their health and well-being and are more than open to inhaling other objects that can cause them damage. If you catch my gist.

2. When a girl says she “loves tattoos”

She's trying to say: "My body is a canvas to be filled with art" 
She's actually saying: "I have a penchant for getting punctured by foreign objects"

Tattoos on most girls are gross. She’ll likely say something along the lines of it being her form of self-expression. People who have something worth saying usually do so creatively through one of the traditional art forms. Letting a high-school dropout scribble permanent ink into her skin doesn’t make her hip or edgy. But, it does tell you she’s open to being penetrated.

3. When a girl says “just me and the girls“

She's trying to say: "I'm fun, sociable, outgoing and popular"
She's actually saying: "I'm the ugliest girl in the group" 

It’s settled science that placing an ugly girl next to less-ugly girls will make her appear more attractive by association. Don’t fall for this trap. If you’re ever in doubt, cover her friends with your fingers to get an idea of what you’re really dealing with.

4. When a girl says she “loves wine”

She's trying to say: "I enjoy the occasional sophisticated adult beverage"
She's actually saying: "I'm an alcoholic"

Wine culture is huge with women. And for some reason, it’s culturally acceptable for women to joke about needing a bottle of wine a night. Replace the word “wine” with any other alcohol and you’ll quickly understand what she is really trying to tell you. She’s an alcoholic. Merely mention “wine” to her and she’ll have no hesitation in coming straight to your place for the first date.

5. When a girl says she’s “420 friendly”

She's trying to say: "I like to smoke marijuana"
She's actually saying: "I don't have a real job or any ambitions"

Girls that smoke and glorify weed are losers. Sure, many people may low-key smoke weed on occasion. But, there are no good side effects of smoking marijuana. When she publicly identifies with being a pot-smoker, you likely have a leech on your hands.

6. When a girl says she’s “sophisticated“

She's trying to say: "I enjoy the finer things in life"
She's actually saying: "I'm a basic bitch"

The so-called “sophisticated” girl is usually high maintenance and high drama. You’ll also find that they are typically pretty damn basic, once you break it down.

7. When a girl says she’s a “dog mom”

She's trying to say: "I'm good with animals"
She's actually saying: "I'm not good with children"

Dogs are great pets. However, when a woman mentions she’s a “dog mom” or has “fur babies” she’s announcing that she uses her pets as surrogate children. Have a dog yourself? Great, should be pretty easy for you to set a dog date.

8. When a girl says she “has cats“

She's trying to say: "Cats are cute, furry, and cuddly"
She's actually saying: "I'm not fit to have children"

You’d think having cats would communicate the same message as having dogs. You’d be wrong. There’s real psychology behind crazy cat ladies. Cats are little assholes who will literally eat you when given the chance.

9. When a girl says she’s “focused on my career”

She's trying to say: "I'm strong, professional and goal-oriented"
She's actually saying: "I'm not interested in having a family"

There’s nothing wrong with being driven and motivated. But, when she makes it obvious that her career is her focus, that means that being in a relationship or having a family with you is not.

10. When a girl says she’s “tired of drama”

She's trying to say: "I'm looking for a healthy, stable relationship"
She's actually saying: "I cause drama"

Have you ever met a girl who’s “tired of drama” and isn’t a walking whirlwind of chaos? Yah, me neither. Feel free to proceed if you want to add a little excitement to your life. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you when the cops come knocking on your door at 3 am because you forgot to put her seashell soap holder back on the bathroom counter when you were done cleaning.

11. When a girl says she“needs a man, not a boy“

She's trying to say: "I'm looking to settle with a good guy" 
She's actually saying: "I sleep with fuckboys"

Whenever a girl states what kind of guy she’s not looking to date, interpret that as being the guy she is attracted to. Are you a real man? Good for you. But, she’s not going to be attracted to you. Are you in an asshole mood? Go right ahead.

12. When a girl says she’s a “single mom”

She's trying to say: "Here's social proof I'm good with children"
She's actually saying: "I let losers cum in me"

We live in a society that sees single motherhood as noble. What she’s looking to do is demonstrate that she’s a good mother. Additionally, you should even consider having more children, while raising another man’s seed. The only problem is that being a single mom is single-handly the worst thing someone can do to a child. Don’t believe me? Here are some cool crime statistics for children of single-parent households. Go ahead and have your fun, but leave it at that.

13. When a girl says she’s “only looking for friends”

She's trying to say: "I'm looking to meet like-minded individuals"
She's actually saying: "I'm DTF, but had to give my boyfriend an excuse to be on Tinder"

Nobody goes on Tinder to look for friends only. Let’s call it what it is. A fuck app. What girls will do is tell their boyfriends, co-workers and family members that they went on Tinder for “fun” or “friends” only. This gives them plausible deniability to hook up guilt-free. When someone calls them out, it “just kind of happened” or “one thing led to another”. Guys, if your girl uses this line on you, she’s seeking your replacement.

14. When a girl says “Where are all the real men?”

She's trying to say: "I want a high-quality man"
She's actually saying: "I only sleep with assholes and friend zone "good" guys"

We’ve all seen the meme with the answer to this question. “In the friend zone where you left them!” What she implies here is that she wants to be attracted to real men, but simply isn’t. Try the good guy game all you want. But, you’ll be sorely disappointed when you find she’s hooking up with the same assholes she told you she was trying to avoid.

15. When a girl says she’s a “Trump supporter”

She's trying to say: "I like masculine men and have traditional values"
She's actually saying: "I'm a former feminist"

On the surface, I love me a good old-fashioned woman. Hell, any guy does. But, just because she wears a MAGA hat, supports the second amendment and listens to country music doesn’t necessarily mean she’s truly traditional. Many women seek out conservative men when it comes time to settle down. That’s not to say real women don’t exist, they’re just extremely hard to come across.

 16. When a girl says “no Trump supporters”

She's trying to say: "I don't date racists, bigots, sexists, facists"
She's actually saying: "I’m a socialist/leftist/feminist who will definitely sleep with Trump supporters" 

You’ll see this a lot if you Tinder in any US coastal city. She claims she doesn’t date Trump supporters because in her mind that makes you a sexist, bigot, homophobe, misogynist, et cetera. But remember, what women say they want to avoid and what causes attraction are two completely different things.

17. When a girl says she’s “open-minded”

She's trying to say: "I accept all people from all walks of life" 
She's actually saying: "I have a dick"  

There are a lot of signs in a girl’s Tinder bio that indicate she might be a bit off. But, whenever I’ve seen the word “open-minded” anywhere, this literally means that you should be “open-minded enough to sleep with a dude.” Luckily, trannies are probably the most honest people on Tinder. When you actually read through her profile [I know, who does that, right?], you’ll almost always find that “open-minded” girls are packing.

“You can put lipstick on a man, but the dude still has a dick.”

-MENshrine

18. When a girl says she’s “looking for a sugar daddy”

She's trying to say: "I want a rich man to spoil me"
She's actually saying: "I'm a prostitute"

Let’s call a spade a spade. Was there an up-front exchange of money for sex? If the answer is “yes”, that’s prostitution. This isn’t a moral judgment. I could care less what two consenting adults agree to do. Just don’t delude yourself into thinking an arrangement is anything other than what it is. You can call something what it isn’t, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t what it is.

19. When a girl says she’s a “[insert made-up gender]”

She's trying to say: "I'm progressive"
She's actually saying: "I have mental problems"

There’s really no other way to put it. Girls that identify with a made-up gender always have some sort of underlying issues. Use this to your advantage if you want a quick lay. But, be prepared for a shit storm of epic proportions anytime you invite mental illness into your life.

20. When a girl says she’s “not looking for sex”

She's trying to say: "I want a relationship built on more than sex"
She's actually saying: "This is a test to screen men for sex"

Any variation of “I’m not looking for sex” means that she has already had numerous Tinder hookups. She may even feel a slight sense of shame. That is, until the next guy comes along who is only looking for one thing and one thing only. Most men will see this as a sign to stay away. In reality, this is a way for her to filter out the men who aren’t direct enough to get what she is “trying” to not give away.

21. When a girl says she’s a “sapiophile”

She's trying to say: "I'm an intelligent woman who wants an intelligent man"
She's actually saying: "I only date fucking idiots"

When girls mention their intelligence, they are either legit smart or dumber than a box of rocks. Both have the potential to be annoying. I enjoy being around smart women. Unfortunately, many lack feminity and the date is usually filled with second-guessing, shit tests, argument attempts and overt displays of oneupmanship. However, you’ll occasionally come across a true sapiophile. This is the girl who is so smart she’s dorky and has yet to realize her own femininity or sexiness. Pretty much, the plot of every 90s movie.

22. When a girl says she’s “curvy”

She's trying to say: "Beauty comes in all sizes"
She's actually saying: "I make poor food choices and am sick"

Obesity is caused by an addiction to food. And there is nothing attractive about addiction of any kind. Although we are witness to this cultural “big is beautiful” movement, girls still know that being fat is gross. Otherwise, they wouldn’t use words like curvy and thick or post photos of their face and/or tits only.

23. When a girl says she’s a “world traveler”

She's trying to say: "I'm cultured"
She's actually saying: "I whore beyond borders"

No witness, no crime. Right? Modern girls have discovered they can do all sorts of crazy shit abroad that nobody at home will ever hold them accountable for. Furthermore, these “world travelers” also use this to portray themselves as cultured. We all know they aren’t going to war museums, visit sacred temples or gaining a deeper appreciation for a foreign culture. More likely, you’ll find them blowing 24 guys for a free cocktail or being used as Dubai porta-potties.

24. When a girl says she’s “educated”

She's trying to say: "I have a college degree"
She's actually saying: "I studied a made-up subject at a Marxist university"

People used to wear the word “educated” like a badge of honor. Today, it has a whole new meaning. Education now refers to the completion of a state-sponsored program consisting of Marxist indoctrination and made-up fields of study. You’ll find that most “educated” women are incapable of forming an original thought. Sounds counterintuitive, but stick to anti-socialist talking points when engaging these girls. This will cause an intense emotional reaction and she might even sleep with you to “teach you a lesson.”

25. When a girl says she’s a “foodie”

She's trying to say: "I like to experience new cuisine"
She's actually saying: "I'm a future fattie"

“Foodie“ is another word used to imply sophistication. What it really means is future fatty. Sure, she might have a young and tight body now. But, when the music stops, her eating habits probably won’t. Like the girls that fall into other categories of oral fixation on this list, have your fun while you can. Just don’t expect her frame to not fill out forever.

Tinder Takeaways

There you have it!

The 25 things girls say on Tinder and the differences between what they’re trying to say vs. what they’re actually saying.

Hopefully, you noticed some recurring themes that you can use to take your Tinder game to the next level.

By no means was this list all-inclusive. So please do not hesitate to share your own Tinder interpretations in the comments!

Until next time, safe swiping.

Can you think of something I left off the list? Be sure to share in the comments below.