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The Modern Men's Guide to Online Dating Applications

The Modern Men’s Guide to Online Dating Applications


Nowadays, most people use online dating apps. Back in the day, people were very wary of the internet in general. I remember, like, growing up in the 90s. No one wanted to get their credit card information. And when the initial dating application started coming online, just the idea of online dating was kind of for low sexual market value people only. In fact, for a while, it wasn’t very comfortable to talk about. In more recent years, dating apps have been present and fairly normalized. Everyone on the market uses dating apps.

Make sure you remember that people do shop for experiences on these apps. So you want to present yourself in the best light possible. When you go onto an online dating site, you’ll immediately see that it’s a virtual dating marketplace. Think of it as something akin to Amazon or eBay, where profiles essentially communicate potential dating opportunities or offers. Users on the apps bid and buy on these dating offers. So you want to make sure you’re putting the absolute best offer out there.

You should also remember that women are the gatekeepers to intimacy, and men are the gatekeepers to relationships. There’s a difference in the market demand in terms of genders. More men are looking for more women than women are looking for men. Because of this, roughly 80% of women on these apps only want 20% of men. And if you’re not in the top 20%, you have to be honest with yourself; you’re essentially invisible to most women in the online dating world. The modern man’s guide to online dating applications will tell you all that you need to know about being among those top 20% of men on dating apps.

What Is the Best Online Dating App?

Well, I’m a bit biased here, in the sense that these are the ones that work best for me. But they’re also the ones that are most common on the market.

  • Tinder – Tinder is a swipe app. You have a stack of pictures of female users in your area; you go through them, you swipe right if you like them, left if you do not. The good thing about this is that there are no messaging restrictions, even on the free version. But if you do upgrade to the premium versions, you get more features. Also, it has the most market familiarity.
  • Bumble – Bumble is similar to the Tinder app in that it’s based on swipes. But it’s unique in the sense that girls have to start the conversation, which is great. This is my favorite app because females have to open the conversation. This means that they’ve already displayed interest, or at least enough interest to talk to you amongst her other matches.
  • OkCupid – I haven’t used this one in a while. This is a more traditional online dating site. It’s been on the market for some time. But there is a wide array of potential matches. It’s more of a type of a profile feature app, although they do have swipe stuff now, I believe. So you want to make sure to complete your entire online dating profile, as you would with any other dating app.
  • Instagram – Instagram is a great one if you’re in the online dating game since it’s a major social proof tool. And yes, it’s also a dating app because it gives people the dating context. For females, it provides a preview of what an experience with you will be like. So you’ll want to showcase that interesting lifestyle.

My main criteria for the best online dating app are:

  • Many profiles to choose from.
  • Girls are likely to chat and meet up.
  • Since I travel a lot, another major function the mobile dating app has is an International location function.

The best solution for me is to combine two of the popular ones. I usually use Tinder and/or Bumble to meet new matches – this is prospecting, essentially. And then, when you start the conversation, you want to lead them to Instagram as fast as possible to chat and then nurture the lead. This is important because then they can see your posts and stories. And essentially, you can re-engage the lead as you’re going about your normal lifestyle. So make sure when you send them your profiles, guys.

How Do I Catch a Woman’s Attention on Online Dating Apps?

There are three main steps you have to take:

Set up your online dating profile correctly – That means you fill out all the information, connect your social media accounts, including Instagram. Also, verify your account by uploading an ID or performing some security check.

Take awesome photos – The easiest way, but a little more costly is hiring a professional photographer. But if you don’t have the time or resources to do that, then learn some basic photography concepts and use your smartphone, be it iPhone or Android. You can go to my Instagram profile, where you can see that most photos are taken with my iPhone. So as long as you touch them up, you can get away with less than stellar professional photography.

Look good – If you need help there, go to And I can get you pointed in the right direction as far as how to start addressing your fitness and lifestyle goals.

Now when you do get the match open, that means:

  • Say something, say anything. It could be as simple as Hi, my name is Jaren.
  • Just make sure that you’re fun, confident, and flirty.
  • Have a goal. It could be to move offline into Instagram, WhatsApp, or text messaging to immediately set logistics, or even a phone call or a video chat on FaceTime. And then, most importantly, make sure to know when to end it.

Talking – When it comes down to talking, have a fun, flirty conversation and have a goal. Make sure you know where you want this thing to go. Do you want to send her to Instagram? Do you want to go to WhatsApp or regular text? Or do you want to meet up somewhere or have her come right over? You need to set the tone of the conversation from the get-go and lead it in that direction.

You also don’t want to be chatting when you’re in a bad mood, as it will ruin your chances later. And no weird stuff, guys. If you’re into niched or weird hobbies, you might want to save that until you get to know her better, until there’s a bit more intimacy in the relationship, assuming it heads in that direction.

What Type of Photos Are Needed for Online Dating?

Apart from some additional subtext that comes from how creative you are with your description, online dating is mostly visual. For that reason, you’ll want to be sexy and stylish. Showcase your physical highlights. If you don’t, then that’s fine too, but you’ll need to dress well. Ideally, you’ll be in shape AND dress well.

  • Show your eyes – Another tip is to make sure you show your eyes. I didn’t use to do this. If you look at my brand, it’s usually the sunglasses guy. Girls will usually complain by saying that they don’t really like sunglasses photos or that it didn’t build the trustworthy factor up high enough. Showing your eyes directly in most photos is the way to go.
  • Candid shirtless photos – Shirtless photos work, but they have to be candid and, also, you’ll have to be fit. There’s a general rule that if you can see your abs or visual outline of your abs, then you’re probably okay doing the shirtless photos. Don’t do mirror selfies or where you’re clearly trying too hard. You want to keep it all-natural.
  • Being well-dressed – Basically sophisticated, successful pictures and suits, or formal events. For this, it does require you to have an interesting lifestyle. You could go down this route if you can show yourself in a dominant position. So for example, if you’re, if you’re leading a speaking engagement, or maybe you’re given a best man speech at a wedding or a toast or something like that, you want to show that you have dominance over others in these positions if you can. If not, that’s fine too, but you need to look sharp.

You’ll also need some social proof. You need to make sure you communicate that you are a social person and not a stalker. And the criteria for this is that you’re in a social setting. The key here is to show that other humans or animals, for that matter, like you and that people can tolerate being around you. The main thing is to communicate that you’re not a weirdo.

What Apps Make My Online Dating Pics Look Good?

Well, there are a few editing options:

  • First, whatever tools come standard with your phone.
  • If you upload them to Instagram, you can use your Instagram filters or editor. Just be sure to save your progress.
  • You can also hire someone on for as little as $5. Fiverr is a digital marketplace where you buy gigs that start at $5 but can go a lot higher.

Instagram – If you have Instagram, which you should if you’re doing online dating, you can post a story first and include a feature like Ask a Question or a Poll to see which one’s most popular. Convert the popular story into a post shortly after that, then delete the posts that don’t perform well. – Another paid option is to go to You can upload any of your photos, select the demographics to rank you; female users, in this case. Usually, in less than a day, you’ll have the results and choose the photos for your dating profile lineup based on the most popular ones.

Can You Look Too Serious on Online Dating Apps?

A good question to ask for this is: Would you want to hang out with yourself? Are you the type of person that you would like to be around? If you’re not, then you might want to fix that. And especially if you’re conveying that non-communicationally, only through your online dating photos. And if you find that you do look too serious, don’t worry. There are some tips to look less serious.

Pre-Pose and Post-Pose Pics – Candid shots are usually the best if you want to look less serious or don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard. A good idea is to ask your photographer to do a rapid click. They should be taking photos of you before and after you start posing. These will usually give you a nice, natural expression as they don’t usually suffer from pose anxiety.

How to Chat on Online Dating Apps?

Like in sales, there are usually three parts to a conversation. You’ll want to open, build rapport, and do some qualifying. Eventually, we’ll make a call to action to make the offer. If they say yes, great; the job is done. And if the answer is no, you may send the potential match to Instagram for lead nurturing. Sometimes, however, it’s better just to come to the loss if they’re not interested.

  • Opening – Guys should always open the conversation, except for Bumble. It can be something as simple as “Hi, my name is Jaren!” Remember, you want to be confident, calm, collected, and then fun and flirty, with a little bit of sexualization – if you’re experienced enough.
  • Building rapport – In terms of responses, you want to continue the small talk to build rapport. Keep up the fun and flirty banter. Just keep everything light since nothing is serious at this point. You don’t even know this person yet, so don’t get too beat up there. You want to escalate towards the meetup. And then, at some point, we’ll do a call to action. Nobody wants a pen pal on these apps.
  • Make the offer –  Remember that most girls get ten times as many matches, so you don’t want to get lost in her match list. So, waste no time and make the offer. – Let’s do this! Let’s talk on Instagram! Let’s meet for a coffee Thursday at 2 pm or next Tuesday at 11 am!

Lead the conversation, tell her where to go, what to expect, and what happens next. The common ones are Hey, give me your number. Hey, let’s do a call real quick. Let’s do FaceTime or pop on Instagram.

How Long to Message a Girl Back on a Mobile Dating App?


There were old school dating rules back in the day, like don’t call a girl back unless two days had passed after getting her number. But those rules are kind of out the window. Now in the modern-day world, everyone is competing for attention. So you want to message her while you’re on top of her mind.

If this isn’t an option, usually reply around the same hour you matched the previous day. Most people stick to a routine and will swipe and message at around the same time. Of course, it’s not always 100%, but it usually ends up working out well. You want to do these in batches. Usually, I’ll use the same opener, follow-up, CTA because the point of the dating application is to get them off and onto a social media platform or directly talking to you as fast as possible.

You’ll probably lose some good opportunities here, but this is just about maximizing efficiency and minimizing wasted time. The most interested girls are the ones you’re going to get the date with anyway.

How to Use an Online Dating App Safely for Men?

Safety for men on dating apps is a little different than for women. Men should be looking for online dating apps that prevent scammers, catfish, and potential legal problems. Physical safety could be a concern, but it’s not as risky as it is for women. And of course, you can mitigate this by doing FaceTime or face-to-face messaging or calling before the meeting. And you can also meet in public places. I recommend a meeting in a park, a quick coffee, maybe a drink, whatever suits your fancy. Before going to your home, you’ll also need to make sure there are no or very few red flags.

Also, make sure the date is escalating – make sure that things are moving in the direction where you want them to go. Do not assume this! You need to be very clear about what is going to happen. Guys that are more seasoned at the game know that direct communication can be a big asset here. Normally, I’ll start on the front end of my day profile, letting them know what to expect from me. And that entails coming back to my place or doing whatever the offer is for the day. But you need to set expectations. It would be best if you led the conversation, so there’s no confusion. That’ll help you avoid any potential issues.

Is Calling Safe After Chatting Through an Online App?

I’d say yes, absolutely, unless you’re worried about giving strangers your number. I’m a big advocate of face-to-face messaging apps. It lets you verify who the girl is, it lets you set and or confirm plans, and it gives both parties more confidence. If you’re international, WhatsApp is pretty standard, and it’s great because you can also do location too, which is nice.

Aside from that, calls allow you to flirt and escalate a little more since you have a more personal form of communication than just texting. It also lets you clarify any uncertainties and then lockdown and confirm logistics. You don’t want to be stood up, you don’t want to waste your time, and you also don’t want to waste her time. Chatting one-on-one allows you to get to the bottom of things.

How to Tell if a Girl Is Real on Online Dating Apps?

There are a few ways to do this.

  • Profile – Make sure that there’s complete profile information and that her account is verified. To be Verified on most apps, you need to upload your ID. Having a Premium account means a paid membership and, therefore, credit card information. The bottom line is, a fake profile usually looks pretty unreal compared to other profiles.
  • Pictures – You want clear photos of the face and body. It’s a bonus point if they are connected to social media, especially Instagram. And when it comes to Instagram, does the profile look real? You can usually tell if they’re scammy. They’ll have crazy links that redirect you to some paywall or something like that. If it looks like their friends are real and have a reasonable number of followers, it doesn’t look crazy or spammy, or like they bought a bot farm or something, you’ll probably be okay.
  • Conversation – This is a big giveaway too. Test them if they don’t know local places in your area. If they give you generic replies like “I live in the city center” or don’t know any landmarks or neighborhood names, they’re very likely a fake profile. A lot of girls also use Tinder as a marketing tool. They want you to get to their Instagram, and they upsell you to OnlyFans. So if they direct you to a paywall, I’d say cut bait and don’t go for it. If they ask for payment at any point, go ahead and delete her account. You don’t want to deal with that.

Are Online Dating Apps Worth It?

There is a point you have to do some analysis in your daily life. Online dating makes more sense than going about in person because you get a lot more opportunities and a lot more matches in conversations and potentially meetups than you would if you’re just out and about. That’s especially true if you get everything streamlined and down pat, getting 20, 30, 40 matches a day.

There are, of course, guys who are avid day-gamers, and there are guys that are avid digital. I recommend taking a combination of both and seeing what works best for you. Analog benefits are that while you only get a handful of girls a day, you get to talk to them in person, and they can immediately feel you out. So you’ll get more real-time communication indicators of interest which are very helpful. With digital, you could get dozens of girls a day, depending on who you are and how your profiles are set up. So really, it just comes down to you.

Do you close better doing analog or digital? Try both and see what works best for you. If you need more help with this, go to, and I’ll point you in the right direction!

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